So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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