Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
