hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
