Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
