rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
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