somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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