does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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