it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
