How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
