Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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