i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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