Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
