i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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