Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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