i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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