Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
