On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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