quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
