literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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