I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
