evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Do vagina's smell?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I yelled at your uterus for you.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
