just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
