So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
