Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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