this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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