I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
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