I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
