he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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