i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
