How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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