i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
