You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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