cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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