What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
