I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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