she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
