I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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