I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
