this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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