OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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