"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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