I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
