dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
