Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
false alarm. still invincible.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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