My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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