'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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