I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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