If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
