Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
