dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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