if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
