Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
