seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
