yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
