you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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