You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
