remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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