Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
