Little spoons don't ask big questions
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
