you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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