your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
bring money and cleavage
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
