I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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