That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Randomize
