it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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