Tell her she can't have a vagina
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
