All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
