question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
it glows. i had to have it.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
