I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
