piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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